I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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