S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
