hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
a search helicopter?!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
