We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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