1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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