its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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