So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
