If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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