Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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