If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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