I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
only you would photoshop your dick
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
