I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
