Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
