She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
