no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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