Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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