Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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