Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
