Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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