butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
