You can't special order awesome
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
