i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
