I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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