he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
