She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
