we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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