i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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