A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
