I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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