dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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