Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
