okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
