So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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