what day is it and did you see me today?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
