Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
