he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
