it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He shit in the fireplace
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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