Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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