I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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