I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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