it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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