Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize