I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
