Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
