You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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