dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
