you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
