Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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