I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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