So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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