got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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