This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
