i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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