What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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