new low.... made out with someone while peeing
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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