this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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