Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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