five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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