I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
