He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
