but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
