Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
