franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
