I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
