So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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