never play flip cup with pint glasses
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize