It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
