what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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