Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
