I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
