he was CRYING into my vagina
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
