I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How does one acquire holy water?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
