nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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