Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
