you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
