hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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