Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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