You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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