Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
