He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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