True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
