I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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