I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize