Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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