when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
