The best revenge is premature balding
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
