I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
