So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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