I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
