when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
