I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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