I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
