Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
