She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
