I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
