walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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