By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We talked him into tasing himself.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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