im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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