bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize