I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
