Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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