He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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