I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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