Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
this is an emotional support booty call
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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