My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
