I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
