nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize